Brain overload...

How did it get to be Aug already ?? My little girl turned 5 yesterday, still trying to figure out where time has gone. It was an ok day, tried my best to make it fun for her but Quinn was having a bad day and Emma has really been acting out lately. Emma is really upset at how Quinn gets EVERYTHING and gets whatever he wants  ( in Emma's words). Quinn's condition is really starting to affect the girls an I wish I knew what to do or what to say. They love their brother but are sick and tired of our lives revolving around Quinn seizures and Quinn's eating. I am sick and tired of it too.... but I know it isn't Quinn's fault and that is the only thing getting me through this right now. Even though it feels like a endless dark tunnel we are walking through with no exit. I love that little boy so much an still feel so helpless and blame myself for not being able to help/fix him and what I could have done that might have caused this.  I still feel like a failure as a parent and pretty much cry myself to sleep every night as I look at this little boy laying beside me and I am helpless.  It is horrible to feel so much guilt as a parent and wonder what you did that may have caused this.  Then added to that is the stress of life and everyday.
I was reading the other week something that is so true for me . Here it is....You become your child's case coordinator,nurse,therapist and advocate. You learn psychological jargon, medical procedures, and teaching skills. While coping with exhaustion and frustration, you learn stamina. You care for your children with disabilities without formal training and with limited recognition and support from the community.
So yes I feel over whelmed... I have learned how to do things nurses should be doing but I am his nurse. I care for him 24/7 and still have the job of cleaning and taking care of the house. Also have 2 other children to watch and care for.
One of the worst thing people can say to me right now is.... Oh well other people go through things like this too or other people have to go through trials... THAT makes me want to punch you in the face lol... That does NOT help at all...Just please lend a listening ear and feel my pain instead of trying to make me feel like lots of other people go through things.
Another topic... Married with Special Needs Children....... WELL you think your marriage is tough ... add a special needs child to that. I am reading the book right now which is helpful.  Your marriage takes its toll and its a fight to get through everyday. You don't see eye to eye and you are both left exhausted all the time mentally and emotionally.
Today Quinn has his neuro Dr appointment... will be bringing the 2 girls with since Kevin is working. Should be interesting ! I have a hard enough time focusing when they aren't there !Hence my brain being on overload all the time...
Shall keep you posted !